In this moment of darkness, I will not see the terror that’s unfolding around me. I have learned to close my eyes and curl into a ball. I hold myself tightly in the corner and I cry because I can’t take this anymore.
You can’t see me because I have turned off the lights. No one will be able to tell if I’m sick because I smile when they ask if I’m alright.
Where have I been? Where do I go? You may ask. I haven’t journeyed far from my room; I haven’t seen the world from the peak of Hanging Rock. I have been sitting in my room waiting for the light, a light that never came.
I know if I don’t speak, if I don’t seek help, no one will suspect a thing, and it will be my friend darkness and me, sitting in the corner where the cold air leaks and my maddening thoughts speak.
For when the morning comes, you will lose your best friend; you will lose someone you hold so deep. You will see me lying in the corner with a heavy heart and when you feel my unrhythmic pulse, you will be heartbroken. Everyone else that loves me will lose their hope, their will to live and I, will remain unspoken.
For all the joy and kindness I gave, I didn’t receive any for when I went the other way. When I sort out those who needed help and got them to pray, I made a deal with the Devil and sold my sanity on a midsummer’s day.
Tribute to Robin Williams who died on August 11, 2014.
- Michael Daaboul
It’s quite eye opening when you realise how fast time goes whether you’re working, keeping yourself busy or waiting for the weekend. In one aspect, the weekend seems so far away, but when it arrives, I feel as if time has jumped the queue.
Where has all the time literally gone? I know how I spent it, I can create a time map and it all makes sense, but it doesn’t feel meaningful. It seems as much as time likes to run with the wind caressing its hair, in life, it can stand still.
After a good conversation with the important people in your life, after listening to a great song, attending a function or playing a great video game, you’re left with an experience.
So I measure the happiness that these ‘experiences’ provide to me. My measurement relies on my memory, which is x amount of years on this Earth being my sample size. I can recall the experiences, one by one, but it’s a shadow of its former self. The feeling is as saturated as the memory.
Like medicine, does time need an everyday pill to provide the level of fulfilment? My experience and happiness is formed by that moment which is now overshadowed by its expiry. Quite empty in the present time.
The further time runs along the time map, the further the meaning depreciates. Our species have a biological drive for producing, and by understanding what this means, explains our experience and this fading feeling.
Can you enjoy a movie, a conversation, dinner or travel on your own? You can, but are you forming an experience which caters to our species biological role for happiness?
It’s not as complex AS it sounds. Just the way it is and the level of difficulty.
Solitude isn’t a final form, it’s neither here or there. Your experiences intemperately rely on companionship, your relationships, marriages, families, boyfriends, girlfriends and close friendships. Some relationships are complimentary, others are indispensable that make your heart beat.
Whether it’s creating a purpose or catering to our biological needs, our livelihood requires lasting, ongoing experiences and happiness.
As fast as time is going, if our withering memory isn’t reminded why we’re really here, it’s as if time is standing still … and then, we die.
1. True love can die
But you won’t.
2. We work like slaves, almost everyday, it’s not right but
Don’t forget what’s more important. Your relationships. Your companion.
3. When your down learn to rely on yourself
No one else will.
4. If you see the one you love everyday, give them space
Otherwise, you’ll end up with a lot of it.
5. Do what’s right
Not what you think is right.
6. Those who hate winter
Are usually miserable people that are not worth hanging around with.
7. Don’t eat meat everyday
Give your liver a break.
8. Have you checked your vitamin D levels
You may have a deficiency.
9. If someone doesn’t like you, and you didn’t do anything wrong
They’re not worth knowing anyway.
10. Stop looking at your phone
When he/she is right next to you.
11. Even the closest person to you
Can forsake you.
12. Listen when your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is trying to tell you about something that’s making them unhappy
You can’t listen when it’s too late.
13. Tell your girlfriend or wife she’s beautiful everyday
Make her feel special.
14. When people say it’s not about the money
15. Don’t worry if your sports team is defeated
It’s not the end of the world.
16. Don’t be stingy with money
Buy what you want!
17. Learn to say, that’s my opinion
But, I respect yours.
18. Don’t try to beat life, you will lose
Just, enjoy it.
19. If you’re going to gamble, play the lottery
At least when you win, you’ll have no critics.
20. You don’t have to read many books to be a good writer
Just listen to good lyrics.
21. Don’t waste your time going to nightclubs
Why not have dinner instead? Sit in an ambient lounge? Have a drink with your significant other at a trendy, classy bar.
22. Wear nice clothes
It says a lot about you.
23. Don’t take drugs
Seriously, you’re better than that.
24. Don’t leave things until it’s too late
Put your pride aside and be a bigger person.
25. If there’s no more hope
I have something to tell you, but I’m afraid if I did, you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.
I get this funny feeling inside, and I promised myself that I will not let it get in the way of what we have.
It is so hard to find a friend like you, good friends are hard to come by.
I have fallen in love with you and I’m afraid that if I told you, you wouldn’t feel the same and if I told you, our friendship will never feel this way again.
I have become so used to you. I don’t want to know anyone new.
I’m not sure if this is a letter to you or a memory stuck in one of my thoughts, but I hope this reaches you, wherever you may be.
I am so afraid of losing you that I forgot to tell you how much you mean to me. I’m not sure where you are right now, but if you can hear me, please come back home. It has been so long, that I forgot what it was like to see how your smile made me feel… it has been so long, that I have forgotten how your smile made me feel.
It has been so long that the years have continued to end and I have forgotten how you made me feel and now it feels like 2013 will leave a gaping hole in my stomach. I’ll walk around on New Year’s Eve while the people call me a freak on the streets and I will shy away from their ignorance of not knowing what I’m suffering from.
I’m afraid that when the clock hits midnight, history will be sealed and everything that I have done will be lost and our friendship scrambled within the words.
Hello 2013, it looks like we’re going to be here for a while, just you and me.
Saddened voices and brittle joints, the end of the horizon seems near.
In these deserted lands where wilder beasts roam and jokers lurk, the hesitant nomads wonder alone.
The nomad carries a journal filled with empty notes with a semi broken spine. He empties his words through thought and imagines the page becoming full of hope of past dreams.
The nomad is no different than the average nomad you find in exiled worlds, he is merely, ordinary. Like many before and many after, he had a vision of fortune and success.
The nomad spends entire moments in awe and dazed over possibilities that are so variable, even the joker fits in laughter of such ridiculous visions. It’s fate often taunted on a line of thick and elusive string dangling from the heavens teasing and reminding nomads of an oasis in waiting. This dubbed as an oasis is thought to be the work and masterstroke of the devil.
In addition to their fragile state of body and soul, the nomads are laid to rest ever only achieving imaginary outcomes from a world dry and barren from any opportunities. The jokers feed off their struggle and are amused for the rest of their life.
For the jokers, their purpose are for the nomads, but the nomad wonders on a purpose of fulfilling a legendary dream.
A special post to mark over 100,000 page views and over 46,000 unique visitors to the blog. Thanks for reading!
- Michael Daaboul
If you were able to leave work tomorrow with a year’s salary included, what would you do? That might be too much freedom for some, maybe, not enough freedom for others. If you had one year before you had to go back to the routine of getting up the same time everyday, would you use it wisely?
If you haven’t been lucky enough to fall in love, take the time to look around and see if your smile might be melting the hearts of those that are around you.
Jump on a plane and leave to an unknown destination. Fly through the clouds and never look back. Travel around the world and go to places you have always dreamed of. You might not have had the chance when you were a little younger, but time isn’t making any exceptions, you have the opportunity, take it with both hands.
Understand the world in another language. Are you a poet inside? Maybe this could be your plan of attack for falling in love. Write a poem, if it doesn’t succeed in English, try writing it in French. If that fails, well, maybe he or she might think you’re cute enough for trying and you just might earn yourself a date. Watch the stars on a clear, summer’s night.
Love the water? Ride the waves. Set foot and explore the ocean with the cool breeze pushing gently behind your head with your eyes closed. The Sun rises to greet you as the calm of the water welcomes your presence to thank you for visiting from so far away. The water appreciates your company; something you thought was rare in this world.
If you have always contemplated about getting married, no need to wait anymore. Take a lengthy honeymoon away from the rest of the world. Enjoy your company and let reality drift off on to the offset of your imagination.
When you have ran out of ideas, think about exploring the hidden alleyways of your city. Then think about running away to other cities around the world and dine in exotic restaurants. It might be foreign, but the adventure will excite you, even making you feel alive for the first time since your memory could remember.
The only problem with all this is, once the year ends, you wouldn’t want to go back to work again. Unfortunately, as much as escape seems like an attractive alternative, at least you would have broken the routine. After all, that’s the main message to this story, it might be something that stays in your dreams, but it doesn’t have to.
As published in #1 of QueSt newsletter on March 2011.
- Michael Daaboul