Without knowing, without anyone knowing that you or anyone else is here, silent and sleeping. While the rest are fading, it’s punishment that those who were floating found a way to sift through the barrier, an entity gone rouge.
But it’s my bliss as much as my despair. I have escaped the shackles of emotions and thoughts. I am free of pain, free of being human. I have returned to the state of existing, the state of existing where you’re not aware, but living in total bliss. For a moment, that never ending moment, you’re free of disease, hunger and responsibility.
And through this all I have lost the ability to dream. During the nights where I sleep, I awake in darkness, like a wandering goldfish swimming in the darkest part of a never ending bowl. In this darkness, there’s nothing, and the further I fade away, I’m not aware that I am in darkness.
In spite of the murky concrete floors and dark shadows, this cell represents a capsule of my ruin. This planet was my home before being struck by unforeseen deception, like a faithful companion leaving you mentally shell-shocked after a sucker punch straight for the abdomen inducing that familiar sick feeling. That pompous fool of a companion was the cause of my sickness, a coward in hiding bought my demise. There I lay, while the smell of corps and raging madness evaporated into my lungs. The cracked walls around me revealed life’s rotten core with no end in sight.
They keep you alive for reasons unknown, they lie often and memories have abandoned you. They took your brain because they knew you enjoyed throwing yourself in creative thought. You didn’t survive, but they found a way to hack into your soul. You have no smile; they erased this beautiful trait of yours and instead replaced it with sadness. They left your heart so you can feel torture. In this moment the monsters are not so different than you and I, but there is something rotten in this world when they keep you alive, when you’re already dead.
It didn’t have to end this way. Closing doors, pretenders and deception, you wake up defenceless and the cold outside feels welcoming. You smile at the mirror to know that you’re still able to give one. You wanted a sign, something to tell you that you can still live a life that’s truly remarkable. Being alone and the fear to carry on is overbearing and it’s a heavy burden for you. Your blanket is surrounding you as you walk the nights; you hold the ends tightly, as if you were yearning for hands to hold on to.
Blinded by whispers, some whispers cleverly designed by your consciousness that you refused to hear anything else. Real truths started to disappear and fake events in time replaced what you really knew. Your eyes showed you many lies and in your mind, you created a world that was only true to you. You thought it was better to believe a lie made by yourself than to believe lies fed to you by strangers.
Your steady heartbeat ignored the danger, without eyes, you were brave and ventured out into the vicious world without a single beat missed. You like it here, a world imagined with the threads crafted to your liking. With every human being that tries to get close to you, that thread unwinding, your heart sends alarming palpitations. You’re scared that someone is trying to pull down your walls. You don’t let them in because you like the smoothing sound of calm than the wrenching choking of a broken heart. You stitch up your world and wander alone again.
Memories find a way to avoid my thoughts when I try to think of you. You’re familiar in ways that I don’t remember anymore but a sense of déjà vu is lurking between the gaps inside my mind. These gaps are a long way down, a long way down to forgotten.
I’m running out of ideas and I feel my brain fading away. There’s a hole inside of my imagination and the Word Thief is slowly draining away my creativity. I have a lot to say, but when I open my mouth, I say nothing at all. I have so much to tell you, but as I write this, I don’t know what words to use. I feel as if I’m trying to remember something that’s not even there. It’s a life sentence that I will never be able to think again. I’m scared.
Our blue planet beautiful from the highest part of space, this glowing orbiting wonder is a carnivorous monster in disguise. Humans populated to settle its hunger as the Earth welcomes a forgotten and secret sacrifice that feeds on those who were presumed resting on the other side. Their souls have been captured and imprisoned inside the Earth’s core.
Their beds are never made as they go in and out of the blankets, regardless of the season and regardless of how little weight of hope they had been carrying in their bags. The time gently passes through the years perfectly crafted like a needle passing through the perfect circle of a fine thread. A human is designed to live to expiry and condemned for an eternity inside a coffin for the Earth to feed on. No laws, no rules to live by, but a certain end, certain sadness.