Life As A Writer

Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Digital Designer & Creative Writer.

long reads

The Genocide of Children

For all the world leaders who sit there in silence that say nothing and do nothing. Who start wars and don’t listen to their people.

For all the rebels and terrorists that think you’re doing God’s work and shattering human emotions.

For all the incapable nations that rise up against nations.

For all the rapes, abuse, the planes that get shot down, the wars that make it okay and justify ways to take life.

For every part of the darker side, you’re killing all the medics who are trying to save the wounded, all the journalists risking their lives to show us the news that’s in hiding, all the scientists that are researching to save lives and the parents and loved ones who are grieving for their murdered children, brothers, sisters, husbands, mums and dads.

You have failed us. You have broken our hearts, shattered our progress and repeated history over and over again. How do you still lead when you repeat mistakes over and over?

We trusted you to run governments to represent our views for a better life.

I want you to know about all the children who will never get to see another day in their lives. I want you to know what it feels like for a mother to never see her precious angel smile again or to hear their voice. You destroyed their future and their life. You shot down their hopes and blew up their dreams. What gives you the right to do that?

The children don’t understand what you’re doing. They don’t understand why there’s pain. They don’t understand why their kind is shooting at them. They don’t know why there’s blood coming out of their face, their soul. They trusted you to protect them. They trusted you. Instead you gave them genocide, soldiers with guns and tanks against children.

When you took aim at children playing on rooftops, did you know they were being children and enjoying their childhood? When you missed and they were running away, that fear embedded on every breath they took, you aimed again and got them. You single-handedly destroyed humanity. You fired at hope, at innocence and you took all of us out with them!

I hope one day we’ll wake up to a better world, where humanity is not devouring, illiterate bastards and we can walk to the graves of those innocent children that bled emotion, that didn’t understand what was going on and say sorry that we were unkind, incompetent human beings who denied them their right to live.

I don’t fear monsters in the night, I fear humanity and I fear the world we live in, people like you.

I will cry every night for these children because their pain and their parents pain hurts too much for words to carry. Human emotion has a way to express this heartache where no words dare travel; by our tears, when it’s too much, we breakdown.

I wish we could have been better for you, I wish mankind would have given you the chance to see the world we love and protected you.

I wish things were different.

The Jealous Friend - The Conversation We Never Have

Friend 1: I'm not naturally gifted, I have never been.
Friend 2: Yeah right, so how do you achieve everything you do in your life? I know people like you, everything you do, and you get it.
Friend 1: What do you mean? You say it as if there's a different race of people.
Friend 2: Well, everything you do, you get it. Apply for a job, you get it. Ask a girl out, she goes out with you. It helps looking like a pretty boy! You're naturally good at sports, you like all the cool things, well you get the point.
Friend 1: That's because I work hard at all that. Do you think I don't put effort into everything I do?
Friend 2: No, you don't. You're born like that.
Friend 1: No you're not. You have no idea. It's people like you that would rather have a negative stigma towards everyone who are making their life a priority. All you're doing is being negative. Your whole world revolves around complaining and being miserable.
Friend 2: If I had what you had, I wouldn't be negative!
Friend 1: Why can't you have what I have?
Friend 2: Because I wasn't born with your gifts or opportunities!!
Friend 1: I don't see your point. I wasn't born into wealth. My parents are not famous or royalty. They don't own a business and never had a lot of money. They rely on the pension. So I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Friend 2: Yeah, mine aren't either!
Friend 1: So what is your problem exactly? I recognised if I was going to get anywhere in life, I need to work out what I need to do to get ahead. As much as you would like to think I'm "gifted", I work 110% on me because 100% won't cut it. If I'm going to get the worm, I have to wake up much earlier than the rest of the birds because I know they will beat me to it every time. That extra 10% is a mindset. Physically, it's not possible to go over 100%, but if I understand my weakness, I can fill in the gaps in other ways.
Friend 2: I never see you try!
Friend 1: What? Are you with me all the time? No you're not; too busy being bitter about everyone else and not bothering to work on yourself. Remaining stagnate and complaining all the time.
Friend 2: It's hard to be positive when nothing seems to work out, you know, it's hard.
Friend 1: I know it's hard. I know it is. That's why I did something about it.
Friend 1: You think I apply for one job and got it, but how about the other 100 I didn't get? Or the girl I asked out, how about the 10 that got away or broke my heart? If I'm not happy with the way I look, I improved that, took care in my appearance. I'm good at sports because I love being fit and active, I love to train. Liking cool things is subjective, but I never want to stop learning. I do all these things and you think I don't do any of it without a whimper and success comes to me?
Friend 1: I have failed more than I have succeeded, but it has made success so much more worth it.
Friend 2: You never tell me any of this.
Friend 1: Which means you shouldn't assume, everyone is fighting, stop being so negative and actually do something about your life. You only have one, don't use it to complain!
Anonymous asked:
You're welcome, Michael :) now it makes me wonder.. Just how much heartbreak could a person ever go through to be able to write as beautifully as you do? How many times have you ever fallen in and out of love? I know this is cruel to say, or even think, but I'm glad you've had your heart broken just enough (or too much) because all of it led to all of THIS: your poetry, you words. <3

Love Lies Bleeding: Firestorm (Christmas Special 2013)

Boy: What do you think love is all about?
Girl: I think it's a lot of hard work.
Boy: Oh, hard work doesn't sound too appealing.
Girl: You know, it shouldn't be though.
Boy: Why do you say that?
Girl: Real love is almost unconditional. Otherwise, I don't think it’s called love.
Boy: People fall out of love, or so I heard.
Girl: I don't think they fall out of love, they just stop meeting each other in their hearts.
Boy: Why?
Girl: It's not real love.
Boy: What's real love then?
Girl: Love is a battle and you need someone who is going to be on your team. I really mean it though, you need someone who really is going to help you fight so much and never, ever leave you behind. No matter how pathetic you seem, no matter what you do.
Boy: Can you lose a battle?
Girl: You can, but that doesn't mean that someone is lost too!
Boy: What happens to them?
Girl: I don't care if we're outnumbered by a million to two. I don't care if it's a firestorm or when it's getting so tough you feel like you need to run away. You don't run away without me, you don't leave me behind. You're on my team, you're with me. I don't need someone who loves me when there's no fight, anyone can love you when it's perfect. What if life puts me on a battlefield? And he runs away? THAT'S NOT LOVE! I need him to believe in me all the time, to trust me, to know I will be there anytime, EVERY TIME! That there's no doubt in my mind that he's beside me. Always by my side! You know how rare that loyalty is? That's love.
Boy: Oh my. That's amazing.
Girl: It is. The feeling is amazing! I know there's someone out there that will do anything for me, in any situation, they would even protect me until they can no longer move. I would do the same. He would look into my eyes and say to me, "Would you fight for me? Would you be here, and even when you might not be happy or a little sad, would you be human with me and preserve... would you take my hand when everyone has left me behind?" And I would slap him, and tell him, “How can you ever doubt me!” I would be with him until I can no longer move. BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!
Boy: That's so powerful, my god!
Girl: That's what love is all about. It's not about falling out of love. You fall out of love. You doubt, you create an illusion of false lies and false futures. Every green grass you jump to, is the same green grass.
Boy: What if those people did genuinely fall out of love though?
Girl: They thought they were in love. If you ever felt what I told you just now, that means you two were inseparable. You stopped meeting halfway, YOU did.
Boy: Unconditional love.
Girl: It's no secret, we're unstable. We fear and fly away. When it's not easy, we rather flee until we just settle. We need someone to tell us it will be okay, someone to stop me while my mind is in chaos, to remind me and look deep into my eyes, that everything will be okay!

the blue striped box

I was cleaning my room and stumbled upon a box with pictures of my ex, letters and ripped letters from me. Even the wrapping from gifts. I didn’t stumble upon it, I knew it was there, under my bed. I like to think I ‘stumbled’ upon it.

I have been conflicted whether or not I should throw the box out. You know, almost effectively consolidating that part of my life into oblivion. Sure, I have the memories, but how long before they fade? I used to keep everything. Anything that represents sentimental value, and I mean anything. Something she touched, notes she wrote, text messages, emails, pictures, wrapping paper, ribbons, envelops, chat logs whatever she was a part of.

I deleted most of these things because I had lengthy negotiations with my mind and heart. After replaying back many memories and adding up all the shit that happened, I came to the conclusion it was not needed. I find that hard to accept. Mostly because I hold on to emotions and the past like an aggressive form of cancer. In my opinion if you don’t inject meaning and feeling into everything you do, especially relationships, than there’s no point.

This is why I have such a hard time eliminating things and people that were a significant part of my life. I have repeatedly removed emotional splinters so I could continue to carry on. After all, why should I keep a part of her in Pandora’s box when she removed me in a heartbeat?

What am I exactly holding on to? A fake ghost in my dreams who smiles at me, holds my hands and we walk towards the sunset? That’s not her. I’m falling in love with my own perception of what I want, not what she is in reality. In reality she doesn’t exist like that and I keep these lingering pieces inside the box as if she was really like that, someone amazing. She appears in my graduation photos, in the family shots because there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that I would be with her until the end. I have no doubts. When she graduated, I wasn’t included in a family shot. That action didn’t speak volumes to me, it was a tumour subtly planted on my lungs, ever so slowly taking my breath away.

What’s in front of me is my past and a thousand torn pieces of coloured paper that are my letters that I spent days perfectly crafting for her. I took the shredded pieces when she ripped them without any sentiment. A fit of rage that spoke more of judgement than a human emotion. It has taking me a year and with all my calming thoughts and memories vividly growing as the days continue, I am still contemplating whether or not this box of broken dreams and empty hopes should be removed. It was with a heavy heart and always is to part way with not only my past but a time where true love existed. What holds me back is emotion and every nostalgic memory attached to an anxious feeling when it comes to her.

Does emotion hold me back? If there was no emotion I could freely destroy and forget everything and anything without a single thought. That’s great. At the same time, I might as well not exist because if there’s no emotion, what’s the point? There isn’t any point. I would rather be broken a thousand times and sit in a rabbit hole for all eternity than to be living in a state of numbness, placed in an abandoned city cesspool filled with dead cold hearts.

After all my words, I continue to stare at the blue striped box, the box I used to put her very first gifts in. I would eventually part ways with what’s inside, one day. I can no longer stand to read what she used to feel as that was in another time, in history where you will find only me; and if it was your history and you young lady, and you sir and your daughter and your son and your father and your mother, if it was your box that only you existed in where it was made for two, why should you stay there? There’s no one there anymore, absolutely no one but you and your maddening thoughts.

She has moved on, departed from your box and destroyed every word, gift and hand-crafted letter you ever gave her. She kept nothing, absolutely zero.

And yet, with all of my madness, and poetic words, the box still stares at me and taunts my every effort to remove it from my heart. Haunting me until my sanity overcomes my emotional burden.

don’t tell my wife; i’m an actor

This is what it feels like being an actor.

I have a huge following, lots of fans and they adore me. I can tattoo my whole body and my fans would find it sexy, in reality, they don’t like their boyfriends getting tattoos and they don’t like tattoos, either. I’m an exception. I can get away with murder because I’m gorgeous and famous.

I take drugs, I smoke weed and LSD. I have written a novel because I’m creative when I trip out. My fans don’t mind that I take drugs, because I’m successful, but they wouldn’t go out with someone who takes drugs. I’m an exception because I’m hot and my social status makes me, oh god, fuck worthy.

Before I was an actor, no one wanted to know me. I had a few friends and that was about it. I spent most of my time with family.

On set, it’s a different story. I do fuck actresses, crew members, extras it really depends. Most people think it’s a job, you’re a professional, and it’s what you do. My wife has accepted that I’m an actor and I have scenes where I may have to kiss my acting partner. She says there’s nothing to it, it means nothing.

That’s not entirely true. We have several make out scenes and my romantic interest on-screen comes to my trailer to practise how it should be done. She’s in a relationship. We kiss and we enjoy it. It doesn’t just happen on set. After a few sessions, she stays the night in my trailer.

My wife doesn’t know this.

After we finish filming, this fictional relationship doesn’t continue. We know the code, what happens on set, stays there. No one knows, of course, everyone else in the industry does. It explains why actors and actresses aren’t bothered too much, as they’re both kissing and practising in their respective films.

Most times when the set is getting ready, I have a lot of time on my hands to do whatever I want. I could call my wife, but I often find myself chatting up cute female extras. I prefer to do that, because they’re new, attractive and I’d rather do that. I smile and go along with whatever they say, it’s horrible, but I like what I’m doing.

Before I became an actor, I used to throw around a particular question to friends, family members and random people I would meet on the train if they could go out with an actor. It surprises me even now, that they think what we do is just acting. Yes, it’s acting, but are we so narrow minded that when we’re kissing someone on-screen I’m not going to feel anything at all? That I’m not going to enjoy it? That it’s okay because I’m acting?

It’s not. You’re not kissing once for that scene, you’re rehearsing a hundred times. Maybe we needed to rehearse a few times so I could breathe in her sedating perfume and taste her lips one more time because it’s addicting, but we enjoy it so much, we can make out all night.

My wife doesn’t know though, at least the audience will get a pretty authentic scene demonstrating love and raw emotion. It’s acting though, remember?

I’m an actor, doesn’t mean all my human urges and emotions are stripped, but, I reassure my wife, it doesn’t mean anything, I’m only acting. As long as I can make it okay, everything is okay. It’s perfect. All her friends say don’t be so insecure, you’re paranoid and just because your shitty friends did that, doesn’t mean he will. The fact remains, we’re all shitty. Trust is an important component in relationships, but in this scene, we’re gorgeous, we’re fabulous.

Maybe that’s how I really am? Maybe being an actor gives me permission to feel and do what I want to do without the taboo involved. Perfect, I’m an actor, fucking brilliant, literally.

It’s the same as actresses before you call me a pig, they get as much action as I do. Some have fallen in love and got a divorce.

I think it’s terrible, I’m terrible, but now people laugh at my stupid jokes because I’m famous. I laugh like a hyena because you’re hot and you have a big penis. It’s great really, no matter what I do in my personal life or how much of a shithead I am, I’m a sex god, because I’m hot.

I remember going out with my ex one night, well, she was my girlfriend then, ex now. We were at a bar (I wasn’t famous then) and a hot waiter approached and said some lame joke which was a subtle cheap shot at me, ex laughed in hysterics (of course, penetrating my point further) while I thought it was rude. She said to me I had no sense of humour. Fucking hilarious.

Guess what? Now I’m that guy, I’m not even funny, but because I’m such a gorgeous actor, I have a sense of humour and all those restrictions for the average underachiever and struggler is removed.

Something Happens Along the Way

This is what you’re here for. For her; you will fall in love the moment you see her. A picture, in person, wherever the opportunity arises, you will fall in love. She will be a complete stranger to you, but that’s the last thing on your mind. That’s it, you know this is what you want, and you will soon find out you’re what she wants.

You will find out her name, and you will think it’s the best name in the world. You will love every letter that makes up her name. You will love her voice, the way she looks down and locks to your eyes again. You will notice that silly smile on her face and sudden bursts of laughter that she makes when she’s being comfortable with you.

You will know her birthday, you will put the reminder on your phone and set an alarm 2 weeks in advance and spend days, without giving it away, how to make her one day special for her.

You will listen to every word, you will absolutely love her opinions, and you will want to know what she thinks about anything. You don’t care what you do, as long as you’re with her.

All her history, what she did in primary school, what she still remembers. What she did in her teenage years, what she values in life, her goals and dreams. What movie she likes, her favourite food and stare into her eyes because you can’t remember when you have seen brown look so amazing before. The way her eyes look through your heart and capture the butterflies that sink to your stomach.

You will write down all her sizes because everywhere you go, you want to buy her gifts and you want to make sure they fit. Shoes give you the most trouble, sometimes she’s a 7 or 7 and a half or maybe an 8 sometimes. Not because it’s a requirement, but because you want to give her everything and you want her to smile all the time. Even though her cheeks might get sore, it’s the only pain you will tolerate.

You will message her 3 a.m. at night because you’ll know she will be up, for whatever reason and she will respond because you’re the only person who knows she will be up at this time. This synergy you have created, you will message when she’s about to message you. This uncanny situation, with everyday, you both feel like this.

He will know your weaknesses and make a mental note to protect you in every way so only your strengths show. He will know what you dream about because he listened to every word you said. He will know your fears and doubts because he caught every tear that fell from your eyes.

He will finish off the lyrics to a song you have forgotten and then hear your sudden burst of laughter to your amazement that he still remembers those songs from the 90s.

He will know about this lingering fear that you have, that one day you will die. When you lay your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, he knows you fear growing old, but that’s why he holds you every night. He knows it may be his last time he gets to hold you. That’s why he wrote I love you to every message you received. It wasn’t a signature for every message, but if it was, it was from his heart.

All your bad habits he will see, as you shy away from them initially, you become comfortable because he finds your imperfections perfect. The only time imperfection can equal perfect.

Most importantly, he will know your heart, your soul. He has already mapped out your body and keeps a mental outline of your smile.

When you slept, he spent hours looking at you, admiring how calm you are. Your chest slowly moving up and down and your lips slightly opened.

Then something happens along the way.

Something … .

Both of you become strangers again; the only difference this time is, he still knows everything about you. A stranger knows you better than your parents, your siblings, your friends and everyone who mattered to you living in this world. There’s no one else that knows you more than he does.

He mapped out your entire world and made a mental note of it.

Something else happens now.

You can’t remember her voice that clearly, the sound is fading. Her sudden bursts of laughter are silent. You’re not sure if her birthday is on the 9th or the 19th and you’re not so sure if she still dreams about travelling The Universe?

At 3 a.m., you’re not sure if she’s sleeping or awake.

When he sleeps, he wakes up and there’s a shadow where you used to sleep.

And with everyday that happens to go on, it feels more surreal that everything he knew about you was in another place, another time, in another moment locked away in his history. He doesn’t even know if any of this even happened anymore.

Until one day, he can’t remember a thing.

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