shining armour

Remember me as a writer, a lover, the mighty knight in shining armour.

Forget sin I created, it was infectious.

Marriages ended from the tip of my sword, the tip of insanity. My shield gave shelter from the fallout; I’m the messenger of God, living inside hell, made for an ancient poet.

It’s how we dress, amazing self-esteem, amazing self-proclaimed poetry and soaring thoughts arrive where words are born.

We stand, we continue to do the things that we do. We create buildings tall, make bridges reach their destination and leave problems hanging in pits of isolation.

I am an architect of words that can create and destroy without having to take back the imperfection of a draft, the flaws of a perfect story gave us confidence to look up at the stars today.

I can take it all away, with the swing of the brush, start again with new canvases, a new beginning for a fairytale. I can erase the pain and history with someone new.

This time, no failure.

This time, I promise to fall in love… with love, and she would say, “My knight in shining armour….”

v354 cephei

Being adrift through space, wandering for eternity, and I have yet to come in contact with anyone else like me. We were really alone in this massive gulf. Such a pointless existence not to have shared galactic wonder with other species.

I lay dormant and thwarted.

Disappointed and frustrated with the silence. Locked inside a mammoth hole, this mammoth desolation. This act of desperation merely made a validation of the vulnerability of the human condition. Predisposed to triggers and forms of ravaging malice had often destroyed hope of finding a temporary solution to the pain.

In space I wander if I will discover freedom for the human race as they have now lost all hope for salvation and I have been travelling here, in empty wonder and loneliness for eons.

I have not recorded much in my log if I were to be found dead no one will know of the struggle our civilization had to endure. With the passing of asteroids and beautiful, dark planets, I can conclude that I will drift endlessly through a passing vacuum of time.

I can conclude, for certainty, no further discoveries had been made to aide our helpless attempts of longevity. As my coordinates are set for V354 Cephei, I will return to the stars a broken man, with broken aspirations in one final attempt to find an answer worth dying for.

a cosmic byproduct

Life is emptiness that couldn’t be filled. Life doesn’t cause beauty, it is.

I understand life to never be limited; moments in time are defined by everything you believe in.

Life is the epitome of dreams, when thoughts arrive, you’re sent beyond any world the imagination could find.

In blindness, you will be in the midst of reality.

Life is not bound by fate, life is not considered to be or be a part of, and life’s meaning couldn’t be grasped or understood by words.

Perception is only masked by what your mind chooses to interpret.

An impression that lasts is only an appearance that you benefit from.

A shadow is merely a place where light has not entered yet.

You can’t see yourself, but only a mirror shows you who you are. You’re a reflection that’s not reflected anywhere else.

This is what life is, in a metaphoric and manufactured world, a cosmic byproduct, this unexpected consequence, which has to be lived to be believed.

skyward

At anytime you have the freedom to walk away from any decision that’s unsettling you. Regardless of how immature you think it may be as it occurred to you a long time ago that you’re now aware of your mortality. You have realised that we are nothing more but biological creatures with a ticking end.

Relying on individuals has become a notion of the past and somebody and no one is the same person. This is adulthood, and now your journey is to find some meaning, something more than what is. Striking points of lighting that can jump start your emotions and thought process.

Contrasting the contrasting differences in your life and situation, when your back is against the painted walls and life is pressing against you, you tend to fall in love; you choose to fall in love. And nothing is more real than the fictitious characters and idealistic ideas that you have come to believe as finding the truth was not as desirable as you hoped and life became an existence of disappointment.

You twirl around looking skyward on a cloudy day, looking at the top of the world in madness, thinking that the mystery of life and this planet has something more to give. But it doesn’t give, it’s silent and you know your whole life can be spent attempting to interpret something that can’t be interpreted.

You suffered vertigo twirling for years and finally came to an awkward and depressing conclusion that with your hand placed firmly on the wall and life breaking away, that this is all there is. Nothing more, nothing less, this is it.

All the pain and struggle you have been through shaped you into the miserable monster you are now and continued to have epiphanies that with all the love and passion came the heartache of life.

You placed your thoughts on a table and rearranged them to fit your hypothesis. I have experienced the passion of love and the desire of belonging. The pain of desire, the struggle for passion and the broken heart of love only went hand in hand. As for the brightest and vivid memories of my existence and your existence it was a contrasting photo album of the dark.

For love to exist there needs to be two and for darkness to exist, it needs light. It’s never free, never tired, because one heart needs another to exist and if one rebels, it risks its life over dangerous convictions and forsaking lies if the truth was not realised.

But, you see, truth was realised, it was realised a long time ago and the present and the future is a madhouse of terrible tragedies. Are you mentality strong to know with each passing day your hope dies a little bit more and your insanity increases just a little bit more?

There’s nothing here, nothing at all. When you can’t go on life reveals its true self, it reveals true hopelessness of its emptiness.

my mind in slow motion

I have destroyed myself over and over again.

This doesn’t feel like the New Year, it never felt like Christmas.

I do understand and that’s the part that’s going to kill the most.

I destroyed my fairytale and turned it into the coldest story.

I didn’t use my mind and I was not myself when I fucked it up.

And this is the monster I had become and now I’m there standing still in my mind of despair.

I will sit here holding the gun to my head and pressing the trigger not knowing if the stupid thing is loaded. I look the other way and with every clicking sound and blank shots, I sit there in an absolute maze. I look to the other side of my world torn apart and I stare, I destroyed hope and along with hope, I destroyed the place I wanted to be in and a life made in the fountain of dreams. I destroyed the life I could of had.

There’s nothing wrong, but in time you won’t say that and everything won’t be okay.

Decisions made in anger and the happiness of it all is the worst part, I destroyed the happiness and I didn’t even know I was doing it.

There’s no one beside me as I lose my soul and I wonder if I can fix hope as I look at all the pieces and notice how much is missing. Now, I’m looking in the dark for something that’s not there, but I am looking anyway. The task is hopelessly impossible.

I will take my time, I will take all eternity, make no hesitation, and I will be with eternity alone if I have to make it right. I didn’t know how close you were from falling…

This is not who I really am, this is the person I wanted to destroy and instead I messed it up.

This is what I used to look like when I smiled and now I’m turning into someone else.

After all we have been through, the hidden notes (you’re the best person), I know I can’t believe, it’s me you’re talking to, it’s me and you.

This is wrong and I can’t leave it wrong, but if I don’t understand, I will destroy myself until I do and create hope.

It doesn’t feel real, I did ignore and now I’m wide awake.

How did I mess this up and turned this into the coldest story that you can possibly tell?

This is a snapshot of my mind captured in slow motion. I would have taken a shot of my heart but words couldn’t comprehend what’s going on in there.

winter knight

I never knew what it was like to have feet that touched the ground.

You made me feel so high, right up next to the Sun in the clear sky, I felt your heart was so warm, no matter how hard the Sun tried to radiate, it was never enough.

The winter came, froze the fire inside and took you. I fell from the sky, it seemed I was falling in slow motion, the arrow of time would keep me hanging there for a while, the last thread of time, the main ingredient of eternity.

Lighting and rain painted my emotions and for the first time I met fear, dark and overwhelming, my feet touched the ground and I ran for my life.

My realisation that the magic died that winter’s night ripped any hope I had left, cut my soul and the bloody tracks were washed away by the rain.

As a reminder, the thunder would roar caution throughout the world, the flashes flicker throughout my retina and in moments of fierce storms I am reminded of the dark horse, the winter knight that clipped my wings.

Right after the calm, the calamity was relentless, the judgement day of a broken heart, in my time of tempestuous and engulfing darkness.

2013 (new year special)

I have something to tell you, but I’m afraid if I did, you wouldn’t want to be friends anymore.

I get this funny feeling inside, and I promised myself that I will not let it get in the way of what we have.

It is so hard to find a friend like you, good friends are hard to come by.

I have fallen in love with you and I’m afraid that if I told you, you wouldn’t feel the same and if I told you, our friendship will never feel this way again.

I have become so used to you. I don’t want to know anyone new.

I’m not sure if this is a letter to you or a memory stuck in one of my thoughts, but I hope this reaches you, wherever you may be.

I am so afraid of losing you that I forgot to tell you how much you mean to me. I’m not sure where you are right now, but if you can hear me, please come back home. It has been so long, that I forgot what it was like to see how your smile made me feel… it has been so long, that I have forgotten how your smile made me feel.

It has been so long that the years have continued to end and I have forgotten how you made me feel and now it feels like 2013 will leave a gaping hole in my stomach. I’ll walk around on New Year’s Eve while the people call me a freak on the streets and I will shy away from their ignorance of not knowing what I’m suffering from.

I’m afraid that when the clock hits midnight, history will be sealed and everything that I have done will be lost and our friendship scrambled within the words.

Hello 2013, it looks like we’re going to be here for a while, just you and me.

Save me.

this is not a test

All the nights will be rough.

You will experience pain mentally.

Physically you should be fine, however, there may be cracks in your heart.

This is not a test.

This is real life.

Do you understand?

Do you understand we can’t put a number on these nights?

During the day, you will feel some relief. We’re not monsters.

I’m sorry, I do apologise. That’s a lie. We are monsters.

We can’t guarantee your nightmare won’t follow you into the day.

Don’t worry, physically you should be fine.

We’re not sure when this will be over, but when you reach the end, you will be on your own. You will look up into the stars and you will be greeted by silence. You feel like you’re a million miles away and you will be alone.

You’re alone now and you will be alone later.

This is the pain you need to go through. This is the world, what did you expect?

This is how you will live, you will think that it’s not too late for things to get better.

You will have times where you will think everything will be alright.

Is this what you expected?

Who will know that YOU are in pain?

My advice to you is stay alive, please do not take your life, it’s not worth it.

As I said, you will experience pain, this is not a test.

Like the rest of the world, I am a monster, I’m here to tell you the truth, it will NOT be alright.

a legendary dream (over 100k page views to the blog special)

Saddened voices and brittle joints, the end of the horizon seems near.

In these deserted lands where wilder beasts roam and jokers lurk, the hesitant nomads wonder alone.

The nomad carries a journal filled with empty notes with a semi broken spine. He empties his words through thought and imagines the page becoming full of hope of past dreams.

The nomad is no different than the average nomad you find in exiled worlds, he is merely, ordinary. Like many before and many after, he had a vision of fortune and success.

The nomad spends entire moments in awe and dazed over possibilities that are so variable, even the joker fits in laughter of such ridiculous visions. It’s fate often taunted on a line of thick and elusive string dangling from the heavens teasing and reminding nomads of an oasis in waiting. This dubbed as an oasis is thought to be the work and masterstroke of the devil.

In addition to their fragile state of body and soul, the nomads are laid to rest ever only achieving imaginary outcomes from a world dry and barren from any opportunities. The jokers feed off their struggle and are amused for the rest of their life.

For the jokers, their purpose are for the nomads, but the nomad wonders on a purpose of fulfilling a legendary dream.

A special post to mark over 100,000 page views and over 46,000 unique visitors to the blog. Thanks for reading!
- Michael Daaboul

candy man

I’m trying to understand the meaning, the truth that sets us aside. You’re over there and I’m here, we’re separated, showing malaise and subsiding while walking away from what made us.

I have ignored life and the years have ignored me, and the time has come where I wonder where these years have gone.

In suffering and this far-off, safe journey of bad news, this soul is stricken and haemorrhaging.

Raining shivers fall over my chest and the candy-scented man across the hospital passageway said, “I told you son, it’s just the way life is. You’re not here for very long. Don’t worry about it, you have a strong heart, but it’s not strong enough. Go see what the world has to show you before you leave.”

There was no remorse left but sinking ships inside my stomach, the captains are waving the white flag, the seas are too rough, it’s pretty bad if they’re surrendering.

Behind the car park, there was no one left that I could talk to, I was left to be a slave to disease and it seems the world has forgotten me too. I walk high roads, they’re so tall, but I can see a light at the peak. It’s the Sun, merely lurking around the corners trying to keep me warm.

Having some kind of hope, something that comes in handy with no real happy ending or maybe a miracle is taking over, I need something. You need hope.

I guess the candy man was right, don’t worry about it. There’s no stopping it, there’s no relief, just keep going, and see the world!

This is part of a routine to find a meaning to give to a purpose of living. Without any responsibilities, it’s foolish to think we wouldn’t want to be stripped down of any worry and worry wanting to be stripped down of fear.

Disease will hit when everything feels like you have been travelling well and disease will hit when everything is falling.

The past might have took me into hiding showing me a vintage memory of nostalgia, but when hope is falling, I will catch it.