Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Creative/Digital Designer & Writer.
Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Creative/Digital Designer & Writer.
I understand the reason of why you left and it was not fit for me to try to escape this world.
I was off to a bad start I know that, but the planet is too far ahead of me now and I feel like I’m falling behind with every second that ticks by.
I understand the reason though, why you would want to leave this planet. It was hard for you, but maybe you just needed a push in the right direction, but you kept your problems to yourself. How was anyone supposed to know?
You told me it was the right thing to do, to escape this planet, but I was vain, I didn’t want you to go. I was just thinking about myself and now I’m off to a bad start, life has passed me by.
She could feel you on your skin, it was the last thing she ever felt from you.
Words are running out and in the end she had nothing left to say.
She whispered to herself, "I regret the time we had together."
She wanted to hold you for one more time, so she could feel you for the last time. Slowly, she started to drift away from you and drifting further away was all she did.
You had become so used to seeing her, that permanent scar reminding you, that lasting mark of her. It’s hidden somewhere deep, in a place they used to call your heart.
She could feel you on your skin; it was the last thing she ever felt from you.
You lost it when it found you; from the very start she laid her eyes on you.
You whispered to yourself, "I feel you when I’m alone … with you it felt like home."
Wake up and feel the air, the fresh wind and the Sun’s glare, beside you as your loved one is there.
Summer morning, beautiful warm air, roll over and feel her, she is right there. Run your fingers through her hair, close her eyes as you notice how her mouth is smiling, you take a deep breath as you sit right there.
She feels like home, just like your outside in the summer morning dew. Touch her skin; you notice how it’s so fair. Write a song for her, she belongs with you right there. As time stands still she breathes in your name, touch her, as she sits right there.
Summer night breeze, cool as it can be, stars out so bright and you notice how she isn’t there. You dream about her and you ran your fingers through her hair. Her eyes were closed and her mouth smiling. Was she real? Was she ever really there?
In this summer night, you cling to her, although, you never really knew her. You missed that feeling, although you have never really met her. You felt so close; you swear that you could feel her. You swear that you have seen her, held her hands, walking amongst the cool summer night air.
Summer morning, wake up and feel the warm air.
Wake up. She is not there.
The moon shines its glaze upon all of your feelings and the stars set their mind to fly away.
Crawling and finding a way to crash into all these feelings you have, the whirlwind motion and sickness in trying to have the things you love.
Midnight comes and I don’t see all the things you see. There are hidden voices behind this movement, the things you say just crawl to me anyway.
The words that you send to me are too small for me to feel anything. I’m rolling along, in this night, I fear nothing.
I’m a person, not that significant, am I too small to feel anything? If I am hiding, will you come out in this cold to find me?
This midnight winter, I am still sitting here. Not sure of what I am waiting for, but it feels right under the Moon tonight.
Walking through this silent wind, lying right here, your eyes are my stars tonight and I’m not going anywhere fast.
I am keeping this moment hidden from the voices because it is the only time I get to stare at you.
However, she is lonely inside. Broken up with seclusion and depression, she lives each day in a desert with no shelter and no comfort.
Pearls and diamonds no longer bring a smile to her face. Money cannot buy her happiness. So she sits there, looking at the queen she wants to be. On the outside, she is too beautiful for the world. Inside she is her mansion; another cold, bleak and buried soul, another corpse in a grave.
She knows she cannot buy love the way she buys herself through everything. She finds no sense of fulfilment in her life. She visits her memories and discovers nothing special or anything worth remembering. She listens. She hears nothing but the tick of an old Grandfather clock that is so synchronised. It fills every room. As she is what makes her mansion that way, it is her heart that makes her who she is - a heart that yearns for freedom, but where freedom is out of reach.
Her dreams flood in and out of her mind like a high and low tide. She knows what she wants, but does not know how to get it. She dreams for a place, a sunny place, with long green grass where she can run fast, lie down and look to the sky.
She wants to look up and see white wool floating in the blue pool. She wants to lie there, without her poisonous money, not wearing her suffocating gown and without the makeup that masks her inner beauty. She wants to lay there with someone else who will give her a reason not to be scared anymore, someone who will teach her how to love and what it feels like to be loved. She wants to be someone’s one, as the Sun is to the Moon, the clouds to the rain and the Spring to the flowers.
However, her dream is unreachable – an admired but untouchable fantasy. She is a butterfly in a jar unable to fly through her luscious paddock. So all she does, is slowly caress her thick, silky, black hair, as she looks at a forgotten figure in the mirror, alone in her mansion, to the sound of an old Grandfather clock.
Looking out into a crowd of a normal city street, everyone looks different. All wear their fake smiles on their face and wear enough gold to shine away the dark.
However, there is one thing that cannot be seen. Behind those put on smiles on painted faces lies a burden that no one wants to be wealthy with. On the outside it seems like a perfect world.
On the inside, the loneliness deteriorates the mind and soul. No one has a choice in the loneliness game. No one was given the choice whether they wanted to play or not. Everyone is simply a chance card on the board, unaware of what the future will hold for them.
Written by Charles Daaboul
That concludes this 2 part piece. I hope you have enjoyed it. Charles will appear on the site frequently as a guest writer on a regular basis. - Michael Daaboul
Welcome ladies and gentleman. This blog has been running for just under 7 months now and it’s in due course that a new writer is introduced to develop the blog even further. Please welcome Charles Daaboul, my older brother. His work will be featured alongside my own from time to time, and to start the words rolling, I proudly present the first post of a 2 part epic. Enjoy! – Michael Daaboul
In a world plagued with the diseases of humanity, not the physiological diseases, but the ones that influence the mind, society is worried by wealth, power and influence. Such wants only lead to the exclusion of happiness and make home to a silence known as loneliness. People can have anything material. Although, the happiness that everyone yearns for cannot be found. Furthermore, the truth is not far away. No one is left out of this loneliness game, no one.
A large Victorian mansion sits on a cliff with a view of the ocean that ends at the horizon. The mansion, bigger than your superstar, brighter than the Sun and full of life like the newborn, stands high and can be seen from miles on end.
The shadow it casts is an epitome of an eclipse that hides the world with its enigma. The gargoyle statues that cover the four corners of the roof heighten the grandness of what is sufficient to be named a palace.
In all its beauty, the arched-shaped windows reflect the rays from the Sun like piercing swords being thrown by a knight. No mansion is as overwhelming on the outside.
Inside it is a different story. It is like a fridge that radiates the cold throughout every chamber in its system. The darkness fills the rooms and make all blind to the surroundings. The stillness, the quietness and the emptiness make the happy bitter and drained as if the soul has been stolen. There is nothing bright on the inside or anything grand, nothing that reflects the glamour found only on the outside. Through every room, materialistic treasures add to the wealth and pleasures, but the dust sticks to them like a leech on a human. How full of objects, yet how empty of life?
A woman slowly brushes her hair as she looks into the mirror of her bedroom. A woman that is representative of her home.
Slowly, she lifts the brush and gently caresses her hair with it. She strokes it carefully and immaculately with perfection. No woman ever looked so perfect, covered in pearls and jewels.
Her thick black hair that is soft as silk, yet as striking as a bull, covers the sides of a well-defined face. Her skin is soft as fur and her eyes are deep blue like an evening sky. She can make anyone at ease by her beauty and is every man’s curiosity. She smells like a paddock of flowers and makes all men fall to their knees. She is so rich in her image and so rich in her wealth - a painted picture framed in gold.
(to be continued …)
Written by Charles Daaboul
She walks through a place where no one can visit. She looks around and imagines a heart untouched where no one can kiss it. It bleeds and paints the skies, a world of paradise where no one can die.
A heart of a child blessed with this innocence. A rainbow sky with every colour could one day make a difference.
Life has an irregular routine. Sometimes no one is around, but did we take the time to stop and listen?
All alone with this innocence, does any of it make any sense? She is walking alone within this colour, this canvas, a rare type of picture.
A pure mind, the art of it all, there is nothing like its kind. A painted picture like no other, stop and listen, we might be able to see this vision.
Innocence lost and faded with blood that bleeds through these eyes. What she sees is wasted. The only world under a blue sky, a paradise lost within a blanket of lies.
Are you the one who turns around when you speak those words … the words that don’t even make a sound?
Are you the one who turns around when you feel like your heart has hit the ground?
Are you the one who turns away when you say all you need to say … the words that wave goodbye?
Are you the one who stands still and tries to accept the end?
Are you the one who didn’t care?
Did you know that I stood still and I couldn’t even hear you. Your words didn’t even make a sound.
Are you the one that turned away?
Did you notice? When you turned around and walked away, did you notice what I found? I noticed that you didn’t even notice me. Did you notice how you didn’t notice?
Did you notice every time we departed I would turn around to see if you would look back at me? Did you even notice how I would watch you fade into the horizon before I would leave?
Did you notice how you never turned around to see me? I thought you would one day.
Do you know what it feels like to have your heart hit the ground? To have words that didn’t even make a sound to you?
Those same words that never even waved goodbye to you.
Are you ever sick of being a hero?
You have your reputation on the line all the time and if you stuff up, you will never get a second chance.
You are perfect.
First impressions last and with every word you say, they will always be stuck in the minds of those who admire you.
You have learnt that impressions have always lasted
You smile and wave your hand at your fans, but you’re fighting the evil inside. The evil no one knows about because you don’t want them to fear for you, you feel as if it is your own burden to bear.
You never give up trying because the cost of failure is expensive.
The fame is imprinted in your name of being a hero. You live with this expectation on a daily basis. The pressure takes years away from your life, but you always wanted to die before you grew too old to move your delicate joints. You will not be strong enough and you have pondered about this for a very long time now.
Sooner or later they will find out that you are a fraud. You have reporters chasing after you everyday of your life. Is it worth it?
You hide behind a mask, but even when you walk in public, somehow you think everyone knows about your identity. Someone is pulling the plug on you and you can’t help but feel the overwhelming association you have to the source. You feel betrayed.
You learn to hide your identity and then you question who you really are.
Who will be the one to spill the truth about you? It just takes one picture … one failure.
It takes one failure for you to start doubting yourself. You could never fly away or try to turn back the hands of time. Even if you could, you would try to go invisible to hide from everyone, hide from those who need your help the most. Hide from yourself.
You are responsible, courageous; the role model people look up to. You take one wrong move and everyone will be questioning your ability.
You start to realise, "Even heroes know when to fall."
Falling is something you never took too lightly. The word frustrated you. It reminded you of 'failure'.
You have been dubbed ‘the nice guy who finishes last’; didn’t they know how fast you were? You had everything to lose at the start but nothing to gain from this story … your own story.
Even heroes need some company, but they never really had any friends. In the past they had all been jealous of these new found ‘powers’, and those who did feel like they stayed there until the end, they only pretended to be. As a hero, you always had enemies for company.
You still think about being a hero and saving those who need help, but I swear I heard you say, "A hero will not save me …"
Who will save you?
He stood by himself with only one path to walk … he stood still and the ground shook. Everything turned black and white. The pain he could stand. His body changed and there was no one on his side. He broke the dimensions of time and the Sun defined his own existence. Everything changed … he was, born again.
If I was in need of company, you would stand beside me when I needed you most. Forever long you would stand by me so tight. In the end you would make me feel so right.
I realised all I needed was someone like you. The need was very different compared to the want would you believe. The closer my heart came towards you, the more it belonged with you. You became familiar …
Sometimes I wondered if this world even turned when you were not around.
Never fall away from me. You held my hand and you saw everything through and you said to me, "I will always be there."
“Fly the coop with me,” without putting much thought with what I said, you never hesitated to run with me tonight, which is what you told me anyway. You smiled; the type of smile where no words are exchanged.
My heart became cold and it saw a doubt in you. Like all hearts tend to do, no matter how much it did, I knew it was not true because you said, "I will always love you."
They’re the only words strong enough to show a weakness to an organ that is vulnerable. It was infiltrated by an instrument of romance.
It seemed 'forever' was quite a long time for you. You were not sure if your heaven was a place you wanted me to exist in. When you were alone you decided I didn’t belong in there with you. 'Not worthy … never deserving' were the words that circled my thoughts that day.
Sometimes I wonder why this world stopped turning …
Then I realised you weren’t around.
You said, "You will always love me." But you ran away … you ran away without me.
Not too far away at the park playground, someone is listening to the wind.
He is holding a flower and watching the petals fall down as he is thinking about that special someone.
He pulls the petals off another white Ox-eye daisy playing the 'She Loves Me … She Loves Me Not' game.
He wondered if he said the words in French, as if it would make any difference to the outcome at all, while he pulls each petal one by one.
He didn’t want to underestimate his luck, the daisy could possibly grow one more petal while hearing the language to the game’s French origin!
"Elle m’aime un peu … pas du tout (She loves me a little … not at all)," he sighed as he pulled the last petal from the daisy.
He realised that no matter what language you say the words in, they all mean the same thing in the end. Contrary to popular opinion, even a French accent couldn’t change the course of the universe, even if it involved 'love'.
"Does she really know how much I love her?" He said pondering as he looked into the distance.
She is sitting in her room thinking about someone else who is not sitting in the park pulling the petals off a daisy who is thinking about her.
But for some strange reason, you know that she is thinking about someone who isn’t you.
So her heart told her, "Listen, I’m about to go and I think you should know, it was not fair that you have gone after another, when you both liked each other. So I think it is fair that I should go. Because like you, I don’t think I will care, because like you, I will not be there."
There is someone watching the clouds go by and down the road someone else is watching the time.
Not too far away, someone is telling a lie and someone else is writing a rhyme.
While others are trying to just get by, they’re trying to appreciate this life, while many will ask the question, "Why?"
Back at home there is someone near the kitchen sink looking at a knife. Alone and afraid, they’re wondering how nothing really worked out … as they start thinking about ending their own life.
"It is not fair", they all said.
They screamed, "Why did it have to be this way?"
There was nothing innocent about it. These tears have trouble going away.
Someone near your bed side table saying, "I’ll always be there."
With your eyes shut tight, you smile.
While someone else is laughing and someone across the park is dying. But, nobody really knows what is happening when they’re flying.
With a cigarette placed in-between their fingers and spellbound as they smoke their life away, they suck it in and release, "Oh what fresh air!"
It is so good, so addictive, why should any of us care?
There is a patient who is watching the birds sing near the hospital car park.
She escaped when her lungs told her, "Listen honey, I’m about to go and I think you should know, it was not fair when you smoked, so I think it is fair that I should choke."
With cancer, that lovely fresh air, told her a silent answer …
Remember there will always be someone that loves you. They’re near your bed side table saying, "I’ll always be there."
Just know someone out there really cared; when you’re so far away in a fairytale heaven … they will never be there.
(to be continued …)
I’m surprised about one thing though, you never listened to me. When everything was shown to you before, I just wanted you to be with me.
It is hard to think I even wanted you anymore, not when you couldn’t recognise how I used to be.
You left a note while I was gone clearing my mind from the dust. It was like a lyric extract from a song, which was no surprise, we used to always rhyme:
"I commit all of my time and day
Put all my words and what I feel for you
Out every second that went astray
I didn’t think that you could control me this way
But you tried to test me anyway
How you grew so far away from me
I feel like you didn’t take the time and day
You didn’t even see
How I committed myself to you in every single way
It’s like I was trapped never to be set free
Sometimes I feel like this won’t go away
Screaming in my soul like I had nowhere to go
I shouldn’t have trusted you anyway
Stuck in disbelief I should have known when to go
I shouldn’t have let you in
Somehow your heart is made of stone
I’m not the one that likes to sin
This time I’d rather be alone”
I told the wind that day it is because I wanted to feel what it is like, for once, to be me.
With all the stress I forget to breathe, I didn’t think I will live this way.
Sometimes I refuse to go away, if I couldn’t see it my friend, how slowly they took you away.
What used to remain before the day turned into night, all I knew that you were my friend, even after the main part was gone, how light turned into the darkness, somehow I saw how this would end.
I feel the pain when I hear your name, I tried to let you out of my mind. Nothing can distract me when it is the same kind of thing everyday.
I took a long walk outside; they say long walks clear the mind. No clouds in the sky to kiss the ocean that day.
I wanted to put you away, what I hated inside of me, I wanted to set it free and I told the wind it is because I wanted to feel what it is like, for once, to be me.
Our last breath, we know how valuable it will be. Time itself believes how a memory will fade.
Birds flying in the sky, everything feels so unreal in different shades … nothing really lasts forever.
I knew I had it coming, which is why I stayed so low. You walk along the city streets, watching if your shadow is being followed, my eyes crawling to the back of my head, anxiously waiting to get home.
I didn’t even realise how close you were … just in the same way I didn’t realise how I watched you go.
(to be continued …)