Life As A Writer

Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Digital Designer & Creative Writer.

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i could do this forever

One day you will look at me and you won’t feel a thing.

I remembered the first time we met; expecting the worst, but it couldn’t have gone any better. I wanted the moment to last forever.

Driving back, watching the stars, I remember listening to every word and every laugh you made. Sitting there, staring, smiling. Every time you smiled and every time you swayed your head to the side and the Sun would hide just shy of your hair.

Can you imagine the first time would be gone, and the way you would look at me, falling, where you were feeling every heavy beat? I became lost in that moment, trapped falling for you every day. I was happy and sad at the same time. I would fall so hard for you, that one day when we part, I couldn’t imagine the heartache. I would allow you to destroy me, everyday and I would say in the end, "It was all worth it."

Sooner or later, I realised, I was alone stuck in that memory. While you’re looking at me, not feeling a thing, fading along with the Sun that day.

Although I was a part of you, a part of your dreams, I don’t believe you ever wanted me there. I could feel the lines on your hands, and I continued to follow them; they lead me straight to your heart; I found the smallest details so beautiful with you.

I couldn’t ever imagine you would say to me with your silent eyes that held so much of the ocean… "Never."

I wait for you to take a breath
all along I’m looking at you, waiting
and you wonder what I’m looking at.

You find it hard to believe,
that I could just sit there and stare at you,
for this long;
and you wonder what it could all mean.

I sit back and tell you,
"I could stare at you, all day and all night."
I watch you giggle, and smile, stare down
onto the bed sheet, and back at me again
with your cheeky, cunning grin.

I could do this every day, just sitting here
looking at you and it would be enough.

the art of living

If you had a chance, you will take it because it’s in your nature. There are compulsions which become habit and with enough reason your actions can be justified. Whether it’s a burning desire or a deep rooted passion, there’s a cause and with this cause brings awareness of contemplation.

Where this long and thoughtful observation takes you, isn’t a crowded place, its solitude and a visual ingredient that spoils the main course. When you should take time to be with yourself, you’re often left out with the crowd, and when you are left to be, you want to jump back in.

Defining courage is not by overcoming your enemies. Enemies are just a distraction to the overall plan. It’s your desires that you need to focus on, it’s YOU.

Subduing your desires and often wondering what you haven’t got.

There’s the chance and nature of the risk or maybe this is the art of dying.

Remember what you have now is what you used to hope for. You won’t develop in happiness of everyday living, but it’s how you survive the difficulties in relationships that define you.

That’s the art of living.

the last poem

Live to forget and read the last poem you will ever read and remember that on your deathbed, you will have a cosmic collision of your life.

A life that you will repeat and experience again. A cycle of space and time where you will see there’s no past and no future, you will be somewhere between the present repeating in an infinite number of times. Swirled upon moving ridges and being spat out to the same life, same universe and experiencing more of the same in a constant, invisible melody for eternity.

If to you gentlewoman, that death is the end, than the beginning has yet to occur.

3 AM

Nothing really changes at 3 AM; I still look for another galaxy trying to find another version of me to see if he’s okay. Maybe he has made it through, maybe he’s looking for me too.

And I ponder over miracles or something that can rescue me, being stranded in the ocean; it would seem only a fool goes out alone, it never felt that good.

Who would know that you’re on your own there, silently suffering, but I would think Jesus would whisper you’re not alone. But he didn’t.

See, I stopped believing in Jesus when I saw how quick things fade and when I knew forever was not an eternity. It simply meant forever was being alone in the darkest part.

So in the end she walked away and sins so great I disappeared somewhere in the Milky Way, but the storm followed me there too.

When I saw her sleeping by my side, I remember all the good things I have done… a reminder of what heaven could be like, that I had a piece of it inside.

If there’s someone out there looking for me, you promise that you will rescue me and if you could see past my ways, you will see I’m pleading… pleading that she will always stay.

the deep end

In my pursuit of unanimous consolidation I found unstable divergence.

In my pursuit of the human spirit and belief I found hopelessness and mental rejection.

For in my pursuits of finding something more, I found something less.

For when I did search to find, I found myself getting mislead and lost.

In pursuit of what I wanted to find something, I didn’t find anything.

In the beginning I was filled with hope, dreams, love and determination. In the end I was left with an unfortunate conclusion, an induced abortion of a disappointment and sadness that comes with life and being a human.

This is what it’s all about. A pursuit you’re not sure of, to find something you’re not sure you need.

To live a life of incapacitated dreams, invalidism and broken emotions. You’ll want to swim, when you don’t know how and you want to drown when you get to the deep end.

25 years alive, 25 things I have learned (special)

1. True love can die
But you won’t.

2. We work like slaves, almost everyday, it’s not right but
Don’t forget what’s more important. Your relationships. Your companion.

3. When your down learn to rely on yourself
No one else will.

4. If you see the one you love everyday, give them space
Otherwise, you’ll end up with a lot of it.

5. Do what’s right
Not what you think is right.

6. Those who hate winter
Are usually miserable people that are not worth hanging around with.

7. Don’t eat meat everyday
Give your liver a break.

8. Have you checked your vitamin D levels
You may have a deficiency.

9. If someone doesn’t like you, and you didn’t do anything wrong
They’re not worth knowing anyway.

10. Stop looking at your phone
When he/she is right next to you.

11. Even the closest person to you
Can forsake you.

12. Listen when your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife is trying to tell you about something that’s making them unhappy
You can’t listen when it’s too late.

13. Tell your girlfriend or wife she’s beautiful everyday
Make her feel special.

14. When people say it’s not about the money
They’re lying.

15. Don’t worry if your sports team is defeated
It’s not the end of the world.

16. Don’t be stingy with money
Buy what you want!

17. Learn to say, that’s my opinion
But, I respect yours.

18. Don’t try to beat life, you will lose
Just, enjoy it.

19. If you’re going to gamble, play the lottery
At least when you win, you’ll have no critics.

20. You don’t have to read many books to be a good writer
Just listen to good lyrics.

21. Don’t waste your time going to nightclubs
Why not have dinner instead? Sit in an ambient lounge? Have a drink with your significant other at a trendy, classy bar.

22. Wear nice clothes
It says a lot about you.

23. Don’t take drugs
Seriously, you’re better than that.

24. Don’t leave things until it’s too late
Put your pride aside and be a bigger person.

25. If there’s no more hope

the missing piece

What disappointment we have here once we have found what we have been looking for. We found this magic and from then dawned upon us new hope.

This beautiful illusion, a smile caught under the tide of the sunset.

From that moment, no words needed to be exchanged. This was communication at its finest.

I stood there, hiding the old, rusty, red car, as if I was ashamed that you would care if it was not shiny, but you didn’t. Silent street and no one there. As I knew, it was my perfect moment, no one there to ruin my moment. Then you came out, like magic, right in front of my eyes. There you were, smiling. My purpose born. You are my purpose. No doubts. No prolonged time needed. No language spoken. Why, this could of happened to anyone, this so called love. It didn’t though, it happened between you and I. That moment, was ours. That was ours.

Well, that all seemed so long ago. Everything seemed so long ago. What remains? Just the ghosting of what had been. When I look across the room and see you smile, your beautiful face, it fades soon after. The fading moments and the echoes that once was. This, aching sadness.

What happened to my purpose? Well, you see, before then I had never understood why I was here. Why I had been born in a world where magic was illusionary. Then after all that, behind some lurking ignorance, you where hiding. Once I was made aware of your beating heart, magic my dear girl, was no illusion. That was long ago and time hasn’t been so kind. What happened to my purpose? Well, since you have been gone, I have had no direction. This life has been lacking any clear direction, any meaning. All of this, nothing but an after thought. When I saw you, I held you and looked at your very eyes while you were smiling, it filled me with purpose; magic. It was another place in another time. You now, are not the same person many days ago, you’re entirely someone else. Without you here, there’s no more purpose.

With no purpose, I am not here nor there. I have put my current state in auto pilot, while the real me has found refuge in my memories on that faithful day of when I met you, forever as long as I live.

As in that moment my dear reader, I have never been so close to perfection as I had been standing next to her wonderful and bright lit soul. For just that moment I undoubtedly knew, with all my confidence what it was like to find the missing piece that made me whole and that my dear, was with you.

shining armour

Remember me as a writer, a lover, the mighty knight in shining armour.

Forget sin I created, it was infectious.

Marriages ended from the tip of my sword, the tip of insanity. My shield gave shelter from the fallout; I’m the messenger of God, living inside hell, made for an ancient poet.

It’s how we dress, amazing self-esteem, amazing self-proclaimed poetry and soaring thoughts arrive where words are born.

We stand, we continue to do the things that we do. We create buildings tall, make bridges reach their destination and leave problems hanging in pits of isolation.

I am an architect of words that can create and destroy without having to take back the imperfection of a draft, the flaws of a perfect story gave us confidence to look up at the stars today.

I can take it all away, with the swing of the brush, start again with new canvases, a new beginning for a fairytale. I can erase the pain and history with someone new.

This time, no failure.

This time, I promise to fall in love… with love, and she would say, “My knight in shining armour….”

v354 cephei

Being adrift through space, wandering for eternity, and I have yet to come in contact with anyone else like me. We were really alone in this massive gulf. Such a pointless existence not to have shared galactic wonder with other species.

I lay dormant and thwarted.

Disappointed and frustrated with the silence. Locked inside a mammoth hole, this mammoth desolation. This act of desperation merely made a validation of the vulnerability of the human condition. Predisposed to triggers and forms of ravaging malice had often destroyed hope of finding a temporary solution to the pain.

In space I wander if I will discover freedom for the human race as they have now lost all hope for salvation and I have been travelling here, in empty wonder and loneliness for eons.

I have not recorded much in my log if I were to be found dead no one will know of the struggle our civilization had to endure. With the passing of asteroids and beautiful, dark planets, I can conclude that I will drift endlessly through a passing vacuum of time.

I can conclude, for certainty, no further discoveries had been made to aide our helpless attempts of longevity. As my coordinates are set for V354 Cephei, I will return to the stars a broken man, with broken aspirations in one final attempt to find an answer worth dying for.

a cosmic byproduct

Life is emptiness that couldn’t be filled. Life doesn’t cause beauty, it is.

I understand life to never be limited; moments in time are defined by everything you believe in.

Life is the epitome of dreams, when thoughts arrive, you’re sent beyond any world the imagination could find.

In blindness, you will be in the midst of reality.

Life is not bound by fate, life is not considered to be or be a part of, and life’s meaning couldn’t be grasped or understood by words.

Perception is only masked by what your mind chooses to interpret.

An impression that lasts is only an appearance that you benefit from.

A shadow is merely a place where light has not entered yet.

You can’t see yourself, but only a mirror shows you who you are. You’re a reflection that’s not reflected anywhere else.

This is what life is, in a metaphoric and manufactured world, a cosmic byproduct, this unexpected consequence, which has to be lived to be believed.

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