Life As A Writer

Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Digital Designer & Creative Writer.

I’m really scared that I won’t be able to change what I’ll do wrong in the future that will make you leave me. There will be many things that I will do that will stop you from loving me. Right now, this moment will be in the past and when it’s in the past I won’t be able to go back there. I will lose you forever and this will be the only memory I’ll have of you where you once loved me. And that my dear, is a catastrophe, I’ll be stuck in endless pain for all eternity.
Michael Daaboul

The Jealous Friend - The Conversation We Never Have

Friend 1: I'm not naturally gifted, I have never been.
Friend 2: Yeah right, so how do you achieve everything you do in your life? I know people like you, everything you do, and you get it.
Friend 1: What do you mean? You say it as if there's a different race of people.
Friend 2: Well, everything you do, you get it. Apply for a job, you get it. Ask a girl out, she goes out with you. It helps looking like a pretty boy! You're naturally good at sports, you like all the cool things, well you get the point.
Friend 1: That's because I work hard at all that. Do you think I don't put effort into everything I do?
Friend 2: No, you don't. You're born like that.
Friend 1: No you're not. You have no idea. It's people like you that would rather have a negative stigma towards everyone who are making their life a priority. All you're doing is being negative. Your whole world revolves around complaining and being miserable.
Friend 2: If I had what you had, I wouldn't be negative!
Friend 1: Why can't you have what I have?
Friend 2: Because I wasn't born with your gifts or opportunities!!
Friend 1: I don't see your point. I wasn't born into wealth. My parents are not famous or royalty. They don't own a business and never had a lot of money. They rely on the pension. So I'm not sure what you're talking about.
Friend 2: Yeah, mine aren't either!
Friend 1: So what is your problem exactly? I recognised if I was going to get anywhere in life, I need to work out what I need to do to get ahead. As much as you would like to think I'm "gifted", I work 110% on me because 100% won't cut it. If I'm going to get the worm, I have to wake up much earlier than the rest of the birds because I know they will beat me to it every time. That extra 10% is a mindset. Physically, it's not possible to go over 100%, but if I understand my weakness, I can fill in the gaps in other ways.
Friend 2: I never see you try!
Friend 1: What? Are you with me all the time? No you're not; too busy being bitter about everyone else and not bothering to work on yourself. Remaining stagnate and complaining all the time.
Friend 2: It's hard to be positive when nothing seems to work out, you know, it's hard.
Friend 1: I know it's hard. I know it is. That's why I did something about it.
Friend 1: You think I apply for one job and got it, but how about the other 100 I didn't get? Or the girl I asked out, how about the 10 that got away or broke my heart? If I'm not happy with the way I look, I improved that, took care in my appearance. I'm good at sports because I love being fit and active, I love to train. Liking cool things is subjective, but I never want to stop learning. I do all these things and you think I don't do any of it without a whimper and success comes to me?
Friend 1: I have failed more than I have succeeded, but it has made success so much more worth it.
Friend 2: You never tell me any of this.
Friend 1: Which means you shouldn't assume, everyone is fighting, stop being so negative and actually do something about your life. You only have one, don't use it to complain!

10,000 Ways to Fall

Will you always expect me to love you, even when I find it hard to love myself sometimes?

Do you expect me to be good to you, when I’m bad to myself?

Do you expect me to be kind to you, when I’m angry at myself?

When I’m looking off into your distant horizon, I’m not being cold; my thoughts are not on standby. Sometimes I’m hard to understand because I don’t understand why I deserved you when I think you deserved so much more, so much better than me.

I relentlessly question the greater power as to why they have cursed me with such a beautiful soul. What have I done that made me worthy?

Is this the plan? To make me fall so deep, make me cling my hopes and dreams to them and watch them unhook my anchor as I’m falling 10,000 feet in the air?

Do you want me to feel betrayal and the pointy shards of my broken heart, this dry and overworn artefact? Do I need to be broken again to learn what I failed to learn the first time around?

Do I fear failing so much that I won’t bother to try? I won’t bother to see how beautiful you smile when the Sun is shining behind you.

It’s all a state of mind.

What makes me not worthy than the next person? I want to share my hopes and dreams with a beautiful soul; I want to belong with someone.

I mean no disrespect to the stars, but you have seen me weak and you have seen the way I weep. You have seen when I’m not a man and you have seen how quick I crumble like sand.

Please don’t take her away from me, even if I’m not worthy.

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