Life As A Writer

Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Digital Designer & Creative Writer.

I tell her everyday. I’m not sure if she will be here tomorrow, and if the world wanted to take her away from me, at least she will know, with her last breath that I loved her. She will know that with all my heart because there wasn’t a single day where I didn’t remind her. When she closes her eyes, she will be happy that I didn’t let her mind wander or put her through her last moments agonising over the last time I said it, I would never do that to her.
Michael Daaboul
I didn’t understand why I was so bitter about the world. I blamed everyone else and didn’t take responsibility for my problems. It’s not until I realised that, it’s not the world that’s at fault, it’s not everyone else that’s the problem, it’s me. It’s up to me to take control and lead my own happiness, my life. If I wanted something to happen, it wasn’t going to take place on its own; no one else was going to give me what I wanted out of life, that’s my decision, that’s my role, that’s my responsibility.
Michael Daaboul

My Mistake

MY IGNORANCE HAS CAUGHT ME OUT
NOW I’M IN A PLACE I DON’T WANT TO BE
I KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS
BUT RATHER THAN TURNING AWAY
I COLLAPSED

NOW MY EMOTIONS ARE RUNNING COLD
AND I’M FEELING REALLY BAD
THE SMELL OF MY DESTRUCTION
HAUNTS ME STILL
AFTER THE BOMB HAS EXPLODED

IN DENIAL I TRY TO JUSTIFY
MY REASONS FOR THIS EMPTINESS
A SELFISH GAIN IS NOTHING TO ME
IF WHAT I’M LOSING
IS MY IDENTITY

ALTHOUGH I REPEAT MY APOLOGIES
AND HOW IN TRUTH THEY MEAN NOTHING
IN BARGAINING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE
I HATE MYSELF
WHAT I’VE BECOME AND WHAT I MAY BE

IF ONLY I COULD TURN BACK TIME
I WOULD STOP MYSELF BEFORE IT BEGINS
AND MAYBE THEN I WILL FEEL BETTER RIGHT NOW
BUT MAYBE THEN I’LL MAKE IT HISTORY
AND LEARN A LESSON FOR ME

DON’T WANT THIS BITTERNESS TO REPEAT
SO I MAKE MYSELF A PROMISE
THAT I WILL CHANGE JUST FOR ME
SO ONE DAY I CAN LOOK BACK
WITH NO REGRETS

Written by Charles Daaboul

Even with this lever, I cannot turn it, no matter how smart I am, I cannot ignore my emotions. I will not get very far even if I was strong enough to move mountains. I will fall and stumble even if I had mathematically worked out the diameter of the pitfalls. If I cannot see my emotions as my equal, I will not need to bother at all. No matter how far I have come, no matter how much I have grown, if I can’t coexist with emotions, I will lose this war.
Michael Daaboul

Who Broke You?

Her: What's your emotional state like?
Him: What's it like?
Him: I can't tell you what it's like. I don't think you deserve to be put through that.
Her: Who broke you?
Him: Who?
His Thoughts: She looks concerned.
Her: As long as I have you, that's all I need.
His Thoughts: Those eyes, she looks so concerned.
Her: Who broke you?
His Thoughts: I can't answer that can I? She's so serious.
Her: WHO BROKE YOU?! WHO?
Him: What does it matter? I invited her in. She came inside. My home. She smiled. She walked slowly, smiling. Breaking everything in sight, especially my windows. She's looking at me with those cunning eyes. That smirk on her face as if it was saying, yeah, I hate your guts, but I just want to have my way with you, fuck you, yeah, like that, pissing me off, treating me like dirt. But first, I'll smash the wooden floors, I'll break the kitchen sink and break the toilet. I will shit on your world and everything you love, because; I love it. Love treating you like a piece of . . .
When I stare at this empty sofa with the TV on, I remember cuddling you, with your whole world around me, with your quick gaze and smile, with your body saying hello to me. This is where the pain begins, because when I turn my head towards you, for a moment you’re there, but you become faded. When I put my arms around you, for a split second I can feel you, but I go through you. When I turn the TV off, I can see the pain watching me. In this dark room, my world means nothing again.
Michael Daaboul
I know this seems like it’s too much, all this shit happened when we were together, but it’s a test, I promise you it’s a test. If you could hang on, we’ll get through this. I need you to hang on. Wait, don’t walk away from me … please wait. I waited for you on top of the hill that day, I waited through night and day, and when you arrived, you saw my silhouette as the Sun was rising. Do you remember? When you whispered to me that I was the only shadow that followed your heart.
Michael Daaboul
I thought I had you, and that’s where I lost it all. Everything that I was doing right fell apart because I thought I was in control. No, I didn’t know what you were going through, all the time I spent looking into your eyes, and I still didn’t know what was going on. I would walk through fire to get to you, and continue to fall down below. You have let me go, when I was yours, you have let me go for so long without a word; don’t, don’t tell me now, that you still love me so.
Michael Daaboul
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