Life As A Writer

Michael Daaboul. 26 y/o from Australia/Melbourne. Creative/Digital Designer & Writer.

Have you heard them say that the dead don’t feel?
It’s not true
I don’t have any senses and I still feel
It tears me apart …
I will never forget
The hurt you gave with no regret.
Excerpt from Crimson Deeds By Charles Daaboul
Have you heard them say that the dead don’t bleed?
It’s not true
I don’t have a heartbeat and I still bleed
I’m empty inside …
I linger and yearn
For happiness to return.
Excerpt from Crimson Deeds By Charles Daaboul

Then you closed your eyes, sleeping in your bed tonight, crying and thinking about how it should have been.

You meet me in your dream with a smile from the memories telling you that you still miss me.

Excerpt from The Choice You Made By Michael Daaboul
The wind whispers often here, not pleasant, but soothing for me. The silence finds refuge inside and it’s hard to accept it. During the darkest part of the night, the wind screams and howls, I can almost understand it, as if, we both are looking for some sort of comfort, some … company.
Excerpt from Notes From the Traveller’s Christmas Journal (The Finale) By Michael Daaboul

gasping for air

Mind: What happened?
Leaking Thoughts: I don't know. I was thinking about this the other day, when I met the parents. The look on her face before leaving the car, that excitement was captivating, that feeling of being wanted. From time to time you wonder who you're going to end up with and you think and think about someone you can't picture and wonder who it might be. Here I am looking at her with someone I couldn't have imagined.
Leaking Thoughts: Thinking about it now, I focus on her face and it seems like she is looking at me forever, that wasn't the case when you're in the moment. I look at her for a few seconds, back and forth looking outside and being anxious in this particular situation.
Leaking Thoughts: So, in that moment, I have captured her feeling and I kind of made it last in me.
Mind: How long ago was this?
Leaking Thoughts: It was years ago.
Mind: What are you doing? It's not healthy to think about this stuff.
Leaking Thoughts: It feels different remembering. I can close my eyes and think back and I feel as if I have time travelled. I feel immersed, like I have been falling for her for a long time and gasping for air. Then I realise it's not real.
Mind: What made you realise?
Leaking Thoughts: When I knew I was falling on my own.
Remember.
The years.
There was someone.
Warning you.
You listened.
Back then, you were quite strong.
No illusions. No mistakes.
Don’t forget.
But you will, of course.
Now, you have become careless.
Became weak.
With nothing to say.
No effort.
But lots of pain.
You can tell them.
That.
You.
Were.
Happy.
Go on.
Tell them.
That.
YOU.
ARE.
HAPPY?!
Michael Daaboul

something happens along the way

This is what you’re here for. For her; you will fall in love the moment you see her. A picture, in person, wherever the opportunity arises, you will fall in love. She will be a complete stranger to you, but that’s the last thing on your mind. That’s it, you know this is what you want, and you will soon find out you’re what she wants.

You will find out her name, and you will think it’s the best name in the world. You will love every letter that makes up her name. You will love her voice, the way she looks down and locks to your eyes again. You will notice that silly smile on her face and sudden bursts of laughter that she makes when she’s being comfortable with you.

You will know her birthday, you will put the reminder on your phone and set an alarm 2 weeks in advance and spend days, without giving it away, how to make her one day special for her.

You will listen to every word, you will absolutely love her opinions, and you will want to know what she thinks about anything. You don’t care what you do, as long as you’re with her.

All her history, what she did in primary school, what she still remembers. What she did in her teenage years, what she values in life, her goals and dreams. What movie she likes, her favourite food and stare into her eyes because you can’t remember when you have seen brown look so amazing before. The way her eyes look through your heart and capture the butterflies that sink to your stomach.

You will write down all her sizes because everywhere you go, you want to buy her gifts and you want to make sure they fit. Shoes give you the most trouble, sometimes she’s a 7 or 7 and a half or maybe an 8 sometimes. Not because it’s a requirement, but because you want to give her everything and you want her to smile all the time. Even though her cheeks might get sore, it’s the only pain you will tolerate.

You will message her 3 a.m. at night because you’ll know she will be up, for whatever reason and she will respond because you’re the only person who knows she will be up at this time. This synergy you have created, you will message when she’s about to message you. This uncanny situation, with everyday, you both feel like this.

He will know your weaknesses and make a mental note to protect you in every way so only your strengths show. He will know what you dream about because he listened to every word you said. He will know your fears and doubts because he caught every tear that fell from your eyes.

He will finish off the lyrics to a song you have forgotten and then hear your sudden burst of laughter to your amazement that he still remembers those songs from the 90s.

He will know about this lingering fear that you have, that one day you will die. When you lay your head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat, he knows you fear growing old, but that’s why he holds you every night. He knows it may be his last time he gets to hold you. That’s why he wrote I love you to every message you received. It wasn’t a signature for every message, but if it was, it was from his heart.

All your bad habits he will see, as you shy away from them initially, you become comfortable because he finds your imperfections perfect. The only time imperfection can equal perfect.

Most importantly, he will know your heart, your soul. He has already mapped out your body and keeps a mental outline of your smile.

When you slept, he spent hours looking at you, admiring how calm you are. Your chest slowly moving up and down and your lips slightly opened.

Then something happens along the way.

Something … .

Both of you become strangers again; the only difference this time is, he still knows everything about you. A stranger knows you better than your parents, your siblings, your friends and everyone who mattered to you living in this world. There’s no one else that knows you more than he does.

He mapped out your entire world and made a mental note of it.

Something else happens now.

You can’t remember her voice that clearly, the sound is fading. Her sudden bursts of laughter are silent. You’re not sure if her birthday is on the 9th or the 19th and you’re not so sure if she still dreams about travelling The Universe?

At 3 a.m., you’re not sure if she’s sleeping or awake.

When he sleeps, he wakes up and there’s a shadow where you used to sleep.

And with everyday that happens to go on, it feels more surreal that everything he knew about you was in another place, another time, in another moment locked away in his history. He doesn’t even know if any of this even happened anymore.

Until one day, he can’t remember a thing.

cure for a broken heart

Best Friend: Don't worry about it, there's so many people out there to love.
Heartbroken Friend: I don't want anyone else. I want her.
Best Friend: But you can love someone else just as much!
Heartbroken Friend: It's not the same. You can't just love someone else.
Best Friend: Sure you can. All you need is a bit of chemistry, attraction and then some hope. In your case, see if they can hold an interesting conversation.
Heartbroken Friend: Someone new?
Best Friend: Of course.
Heartbroken Friend: I don't want to believe in someone new though.
Best Friend: Well, sorry to tell you this, but, what are you going to do? Waste your entire time chasing someone who doesn't want to be with you? It just pisses me off to see you fall and become so stubborn not to move on.
Heartbroken Friend: It's not that easy. I can't stop thinking about her, it just doesn't go away! Okay, it won't go. And when I feel like I'm doing okay again, the feeling sneaks up in front of me, grabs my heart and sinks it down to my stomach.
Best Friend: Come on, you're allowing yourself to think this way. You like to think this way. Stop and change. Instead, think of why you're not together and then think, is this the person you want to spend your entire life with.
Heartbroken Friend: What if they could change?
Best Friend: THEY WON'T. WHAT IF, WHAT IF ANYTHING? They won't change, they stay infinite around their stubbornness. Reality doesn't set in until several years have passed and they see that they left a few of the good guys behind. It's not your problem. You're my friend, you need to see it like it is.
Heartbroken Friend: I need a friend like you to make me realise this time and time again until I'm better.
Best Friend: What do you think I'm here for? When your heart gets broken, who remains? Your friend. When you feel betrayed, when they have left you on your own, guess who's there? Me.
Heartbroken Friend: Thanks, I can't believe through everything we have gone through, they have the ability to leave you like that, straight back to being worse off than a stranger. What the hell is that?
Best Friend: Human nature. That's how we are. We only care about now and the future, not interested in what I said to you in the past, or what I said I felt for you back then. I said I loved you a year ago, doesn't mean I still love you now. Don't make the mistake of getting caught in the nostalgia. I know you, if you don't feel, then what's the point right? Well, feel all you want when the girl of your dreams wouldn't let you go even if hell was running loose.
Heartbroken Friend: I still don't understand how one can flee.
Best Friend: Well, what would you do?
Heartbroken Friend: I couldn't leave the one I loved behind, I would save her, before I save myself if hell was causing havoc.
Best Friend: That's your problem. If she held on to you, she would go where you go. She wouldn't need saving. Why would you need to save someone who is already holding your hands? You have done your part, you need to find someone who will hold everything with you.
Heartbroken Friend: I thought I found it.
Best Friend: It's not that easy, sometimes you never find it. That's why you find it so hard to let go. You think she’s the one, you connect on every level, spill your soul out to her and she responds like she has known you for a million years. But every other person would think you’re desperate and needy because of the stigma attached to it, they're ignorant. They don't understand the magic, the fairytale emotion. If she thought this then it's further proof you need to part ways. There is nothing that would hurt you the most than expressing everything you felt to her for her to bite right back and say, "You're desperate and needy!" I'm sorry, but that's fucking nonsensical!
Heartbroken Friend: She didn't understand.
Best Friend: She wanted to leave! That's why you need to find someone who does. I'm glad you had this heartache.
Heartbroken Friend: Why?
Best Friend: I could see from the first day it wouldn't work, you went against all the rules. She didn't trust you and never did. She acted as if you broke up before it even started. Avoid like the plague in future, the type of emotion you're looking for doesn't start like that.
Heartbroken Friend: I guess so.
Best Friend: Hey, don't cry. Every blow to your heart is a lesson learned, okay. It's supposed to be like this, unless you're really lucky and find someone who is amazing to you straight off the bat. Not everyone is lucky, especially you. Your luck sucks, seriously dude. Focus on yourself for now. It's out there.
Heartbroken Friend: Somewhere . . . .
I was told you shouldn’t make the one you love your everything, because if you do breakup, you will have nothing. That doesn’t seem right to me. I can’t imagine anyone would dive head first into a relationship having thoughts of breaking up. You’re supposed to hold on to everything, they’re supposed to be your everything, their supposed to hold on for you. If they don’t, why should you risk the one who will?
Michael Daaboul
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